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Hate Me or Love Me: How to Do What You Want, Feel Great & Live More
Alex
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88 Comments
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Anti-Social Terrorist
I don’t want everybody to like me.
Huh?
I don’t …because there’s no way to be real and have everybody like you.
When you’re true to yourself and do what you want, some people are bound to get pissed off.
Comes down to the good ‘ol maxim, “if you try to please everybody, you please nobody”.
Why?
Sure, some people will get jealous and others will have their own latent issues – didn’t get enough hugs as a kid or whatever – but the real reason is more subtle.
Way more subtle.
And it’s not them. It’s you.
Why Trying to Please People Sucks
See, the issue isn’t the ‘please everybody’ part.
The real issue comes right before that. The ‘try’ part.
When you’re trying to please other people. When you’re trying to make people like you. When you’re reacting to others… you’re not staying true to yourself.
You’re not being real.
And people can feel that. And it gives them the frikken heebie-jeebies.
When do you try to make people like you? When you want something from them.
And trying to make people like you doesn’t just mean supplicating – ya know, buying them stuff, trying to impress and doing what they want.
Nope.
Trying to make people like you goes deeper than that.
Every time you don’t do what you want. Every time you don’t do what you feel. Every time you censor that inner awesome… you’re living for others instead of yourself.
Sure, you might get some validation but deep down, way deep down, beyond all your bullshit excuses and rationalisations, deeper than the need for approval and control and all that stuff, deep deep deep down, you know that you’re not being real and you’re not being true to yourself.
Hate Me or Love Me
So… what to do… oh what to do?
Be Real.
Stay true to yourself and do what you want.
You’ve heard the whole approval spiel. You know that nobody can complete you. You’re complete already. You’ve read the Eckhart Tolle doctrines, you’re on a mental first-name basis with the personal development gurus and you understand the whole thing…
But… and it’s a big but, you can’t try to be real. You can’t try to be true to yourself. That’s just more living for others.
Being real is effortless.
Live for you – for that raw delicious fuzzy feeling of total immersion in life that you get whenever you completely live for you, diving into the stream of life.
Delve deeper, beyond the litany of filters and self-suppressions and be real.
When it comes time to do something, don’t ask yourself “what should I do”, rather ask “what do I want to do?”
And do what you want.
Effortlessly.
Say what you want.
Be what you want.
Express yourself fully.
Listen to your inner being.
Stay true to yourself.
Be Real.
Sure, some people won’t like it. And others will.
Some people will hate on you. Others will love you. And that’s fine.
Thing is: there’s no reason to want everybody to like you. Do what you want and let whatever happens happen. Some people will love you. Others will hate you. That’s fine.
Real interactions, real connections instead of trying to please everybody.
…and you won’t have that background sense of regret. The regret of not living.
Because every time you don’t do what you want, every time you censor your inner being, a part of you dims inside.
Every time you doubt yourself and don’t do what your heart so desperately urges you to do, you become more numb. Desensitised. Robotic. Lifeless. That magical twinkle in your eye dims and you settle.
You settle for mediocrity and passivity, a diluted existence instead of raw delicious immersion in life.
Caveat-a-licious
A quick clarification to avoid mass obnoxiousness…
Doing what you want doesn’t mean being a *insert rude expletive of choice*.
…because being mean, being obnoxious, being rude, being selfish – all those nasty things that might be confused with “doing what you want” – are just convenient misinterpretations.
Doing what you want in order to get approval isn’t really doing what you want. It’s buying into other people’s story. Same thing goes for trying to control other people. For trying to be superior.
“I don’t want everyone to like me” is vastly different to “I want everyone to not like me”.
Indifference and contentedness is vastly different to living in reaction, living for others.
This is about staying true to yourself.
Listen to your core instead of the voice in your head that sometimes tells you to wrong others and be a badass – your core that is deeper than that – it’s the space that hears that little voice and knows that it’s just an elaborate fiction.
It’s easy to see the “do what you want” as a selfish attitude but when you really do what you want, when you live from your deepest inner being, you’re tapping into and accessing the source of all compassion. When you are true to yourself and connect to your deepest being, you see the humanity in everybody and experience life itself, and express and share that with all around you.
Being Real is connecting to and expressing your deep desire to live.
Unsuppressed. Undiluted. Pure yum bliss life. Expressed through true right action, true self expression.
Why Be Real: Do What You Want, Feel Great and Live More
The most obvious benefit of being real and true to yourself is that you get to do what you want.
That in itself is one of the greatest feelings evar.
But there are other supercool benefits too.
People are magnetically drawn to those who are true to themselves – to those who have a voice – their own voice. People like Tim Ferriss, Jonathan Mead, Tim Brownson, Lisis Blackston, Chris Guillebeau, Glen Allsopp, Seth Godin and the infamous Tucker Max.
People see that you’re not trying to make them like you and they see you unleashed, living for you… and they want to be a part of that.
Sure, trying to please everybody might get you a big audience, but being real and truly expressing who you are, doing what you want and staying true to yourself will make people who you really relate to stick around.
The right audience is way more valuable than a big audience.
More than anything though: when you stay true to yourself and be real, you feel great.
And you live more.
No more censoring who you are.
No more reaction and approval seeking.
No more self doubt or anxiety.
No more yuck fake communication.
No more living for others.
…just pure undiluted genuine authentically unapologetic real raw expression.
Do what you want and Be Real.
Stay true to yourself.
Always.
Unleash Reality
Alex
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Alex lives on the bottom tip of Africa where he rides lions into the sunset and raindances to the sound of the universe laughing...
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***** Previous Article: Off-Centre Ideas About Balance *****
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Alex, this is such a great post. For so much of my early 20’s I was constantly seeking the approval of other people. It’s when I decided I would be whoever I was and say whatever I felt, with no filters on my conversations, people almost always liked me. I realized that it was because I was behaving with complete strangers the way I would with somebody I’d know 5 years, and so few people are this authentic or comfortable with themselves around complete strangers.
Srivinas you LEGEND you!!
man… i know what it’s like. thinking about it makes me quesy and laugh at the same time. quesy because in hindsight it’s so “wtf was i thinking” and laugh pretty much for the same reason
Glad you experienced it first hand. i mean… if you’ve experienced it and endorse what i’m saying, i must be right
haha… but completely agree. you asked about all those girls in my facebook pics; well, best girl advice i can give is to be fully real. you can go up and tell her you love her, without ever having met her, and have her all over you if you’re being unapologetically real and putting yourself out there for all to see. gloriously uncensored. …goes back to what you’re saying, nobody is like that… so it’s attractive. and it shows you have nothing to hide. that you’re okay with yourself. girls want you to be okay with yourself and authentic and real more than they want you to have money or any of those other things guys think they ‘need’. sure, they’re fun – i’m prolly the most ambitious and money fast car enjoying people around, but you don’t need ‘em. specially not for girls
keep well brah. good to hear from you.
alex
Wow Alex, you really are the real thing, you have to be, to write an expression like this:
´And it gives them the frikken heebie-jeebies.´
Hahaha, I love it. Truth is, like you so awesomely said, when you are real, the right people will stick around, the ones you really want to be around of. And of course, some will hate you, some will love you, because HELLOO, there are way too many people, and opinions and personalities out there, each human being is way too complex, its totally impossible to please EVERYBODY. So, if you wont be able to please everybody anyway, why bother being someone youre not? Theres no gain in getting fake validation.
I loved this post
Rosa. you are my rockstaaaahr you!!
you always manage to make me smile
love the way you put it. so simple and raw. and yip, way too many people out there.
no gain in fake validation. haha. i like that.
coolest part is that you’re a great example of what i’m talking about. you do what you want, say what you want and be who you want and you’re always feeling great and make others feel great.
keep smiling and owning the place chicka
alex
Love this post! It’s a great one about a great topic — being who you are. It’s so important to stay true to yourself and not to the person other people want you to be. Have you heard the song “Love Me or Hate Me” by Lady Sovereign. Of course this post totally reminds me of it!
Hey Dani!!
yip. super key. end of the day, if you’re not being real then what’s the point?
lady sovereign. haha. positively present jams to lady sovs
keep well dani
alex
Hey Alex,
Another great post you’ve written here. I’ve checked out every person you’ve mentioned except Tim Brownson. I’ll check him out now.
In regards to acting how I want, since I’ve started college, I’ve been doing a lot of that. It’s my new mantra (I am who I am). Like Srinivas and Rosa said, there are too many people to please and there are lot of them who are inauthentic.
You only have one life, don’t waste it living for others.
Hey John!!
Glad you enjoyed
Tim is cool. doesn’t do what everyone else does – which is awwsome.
just added lisis to the list. (due to her feminist rally in the comments below
) chchcheck her out too.
man. college is ultimate proving ground of what i’m saying. if you really look at the guys that pull girls, they’re all being fully expressive and unapologetic. some of them might be a bit badass poser hardcore but the raw expression without caring is what makes people like them. only… you can use the light side of the force instead of the dark side
“we’re not here for a long time, we’re here for a good time”
keep well brah
alex
Amazing what a little girly whine will get you these days… or was it the Falcon Jet in yesterday’s post?
John’s on my side anyway. He already nominated me for the twitter babe thing (though I’m sure it’s only ’cause of the stilettos).
it was the wraparound shades in yesterday’s post
and the Falcon Jet… but the wraparound shades sold me
stilettos?!? why wasn’t i invited?!
…i wanna see 
Ha! I still have those… the shades… well, I have the stilettos too but I won’t be posting a picture of those. I only wear them when I’m in the kitchen.
Alex, you are great and real. You writings are written with such a passion, I can only dream of that.
Being real is something I don’t always like that much. I am the one who wants to be friends with anyone, I don’t like to harm people. And that is what makes being real so hard. When I’m at my girlfriends catholic grandparents and they mention the great god who has made the whole earth, I just can’t speak out my atheism. I feel like I can’t get into a discussion with them, because of my girlfriend. Relations makes everything complicated..
Great article, I have to say it again!
Hey Stefan!!
thank you so much for that comment. really made me smile and feel good.
So glad that my writing has that effect. makes it worth it.
i think you’re confusing being real for having everybody like you… why is it that you want to be friends with everyone?
i mean… it’s a great goal, and awwsome to be friends with people, everyone in fact. but why? is it so that you’ll have a lot of friends and be popular? because that’s not a good reason. and that makes it hard.
it’s all about the intent.
why is it that you want to speak out your atheism?
i guess more than anything: something’s only a big deal if you make it one. it’s easy to want to start fighting and arguing with people. let it go. just don’t discuss that stuff with them if it gets sour. there’s no need. or discuss it without all the emotions in it, without wanting to be right or win a fight…
keep well stefan and all the best.
alex
Caveat-a-licious? You can put me in the “Love Me” category for you, if only because you have made up your own language.
This is SO true that most people are overly nice because they are wanting something in return, but I don’t think this is always true. I am super nice to people that I admire, and respect, and like, and enjoy… just because they bring that side of me out naturally, not because I am wanting anything in return.
My favorite line in this is: “Every time you don’t do what you feel. Every time you censor that inner awesome… you’re living for others instead of yourself.” And, I’m working on not censoring my inner awesome, which is especially difficult for the perfectionist in me as I flounder trying to find my voice on my new baby blog. But reading the words of people like you, that aren’t censoring their inner awesome, but instead let it run free like a hyperactive three year old… inspire the hell outta me. So, thanks Alex.
Awesome post, again.
hey Karen!!!
you are the best commentor evar. you should do it full time
always make me smile… a big crazy person smile 
yip. caveat-a-licious. TM.
glad you’re in the love me category. you can battle lisis and rosa after they jumped into the hate me category (see below
)
i’m with you about it not always being true. it’s a very tough thing to put into words. full expression, being nice because it’s what makes you happy and who you are – that’s awwwsome. that’s full offering value and being amazing… and it rocks. but. a lot of people do it to overcompensate. or they build an identity out of being nice and that’s just more ego stuff. i.e. not being real.
unleash the inner awesome
i know all about those perfectionist tendencies. man. it took me a long time to ease into a flow with my writing. my first few posts (don’t go back and read ‘em
) were really sterile and stifled. gotta grow into it. takes a lil time and that’s fine.
more than anything expressing myself feels great. makes my soul smile
…oh, and so everyone knows, Karen’s site is: http://www.dreaminthelife.com/
gotta hustle yo
keep well karen. and keep it real. specially on your site
alex
I hear ya about the expressing yourself makes you feel GREAT. I already feel great having a blog where I can express myself. But.. I’m still struggling with finding my voice. It is getting louder and louder, though. Just need to write more. And reading your posts always helps bring out my inner awesome. Thanks for the plug. And big crazy person smile. That’s always a good thing.
Stop struggling.
def won’t flow if you’re struggling. just let it flow.
try this: http://tumblemoose.com/10000-words-in-a-day/
the rules made me smile
rocken non stoppen
Hmmm… is it just me, or are there NO WOMEN on your list of people who are true to themselves?
Is that because there are no women who are true to themselves, or YOU can’t think of any… or you just refuse to acknowledge them?
Muy interesante, no?
Hmmmm, I noticed that too, and I agree with you Lee….
Seriously! Not to go all uber-feminist, but… is this a boys’ club? ‘Cause I must’ve missed the sign on the door. I thought girls could play too.
Glen did the same thing when he had a bunch of face-offs and none of them had any women in them… until we brought it up. I just don’t know about these two sometimes.
Maybe they’re afraid of us… is that it, Alex?
I’m pretty sure it’s because there are no awesome women to mention.
Haha, I kid. I’m sure that opened your eyes about in your email udpates though
You can’t deny that there are far more men blogging and putting themselves out there than women in my opinion. I tend to find women hold back a little more and are less likely to put themselves ‘on the line.’ That is not a generalisation, there are (of course) exceptions, but that’s my view.
I’m sure Alex will add some in the comments here though. I’m sure like in my original case that it was nothing to do with gender, it’s just whoever comes to mind.
To be honest, I can’t think of any either… at least not women bloggers who are on par with the guys on this list. Kinda sad, really. Do we need more women bloggers, or more blogging women who put themselves out there?
Either way, you were right… that first line of your reply got me to jump over here from the email. Oh, you know me too well, Glen. I’ve gotta start getting more unpredictable (like Jamie Foxx).
yip lisis dearest.
girls can play too. but not with the big boys
haha. kidding.
it’s like glen said, they were the people who came to mind… and i guess it’s just that i relate to men more because they do the things that i do so i’m more inclined to read their blogs etc
guess glen is right about guys more likely to put themselves out there too i think? got any suggestions of cool girl bloggers?
…but after reading that you’re a pilot, i added you to the list.
now shuddup and get back in the kitchen
stupid feminists
kidding. again.
stupid feministic gang-ups…
why aren’t you in the kitchen?
kidding
YOU… are walking a thin line, kid. I’m watching you.
as long as you’re watching from the kitchen
Lee, what`s a good hurtful way to say fresco, atrevido in english? doesn`t he know there are knives and sharp objects in a kitchen?
hay hay. settle down. both of you.
ha ha, you guys are hilarious. feminism isn’t ALL bad. except for the ones that seek to exterminate men
LOL… you guys are cracking me up too… “As long as it’s from the kitchen” ?!?!? (That was good, I have to admit.)
It made me think of who the women power bloggers are… I just found Penelope Trunk (who is AWESOME and rebellious, and controversial), as well as Pam Slim. There must be more… I’m always on the look out for successful, inspiring, strong women.
(Besides Lisis, Rosa, and myself of course 
@jon “feminism isn’t ALL bad”
- WTF?!?!
chchchecking penelope and pam slim out now.
it’s cool. i’m sure women dominate the cleaning and cooking niche
oh sheyeet.
shoulda seen this coming
viva la revolucion i guess
Hi Alex,
As I read this post I couldn’t help but think of the hapless George Costanza, from Seinfeld. Really the most insecure person in the world. He tries so badly to be seen in the perfect light by everyone, but he always comes off as an idiot.
Elaine: “Who cares if Jerry’s girlfriend doesn’t like you, does everyone have to like you?”
George: (incredulous) “Yes!”
Hey David!!
George Costanza
wow. haven’t thought ’bout George Costanza in ages. thanks for the reminder haha
funny times 
incredulous
thanks for stopping by man.
keep well and in touch
alex
Ola Senor!
Stay true to yourself or you aint true to nobody!
Hehe, looks like you stepped on some toes by only mentioning men in your list of people being true to themselves.
Tucker Max is awesome, I read all his stories, some of them are so hilarious. I dig his way of not giving a s***:)
Great post Alex
Ola badass
yip.
you’re a great example of this. 4 makeouts last time. 4. that’s like world record. the power of being real…
well. obviously.
tucker max is crazy. dude – read his ohio state speech. friggen awwwwsome. gave me that “aw let’s go pull” feeling
luke is running to joburg. can’t stand the awwwsomeness
keep well bra
alex
p.s. glen is officially supreme leader of the internet.
But isn’t the wanting to please others real too?
It might be a real want, but it doesn’t mean you’re being real to yourself. It sounds more like it would be looking for approval / validation / something in return.
Oh and Evan, I mean that in a “I will stop using slang so this man in a suit doesn’t think worse of me” kind of way, not in a “I want to help kids through charity work” kind of way.
such an awesome example.
you are legend.
Hey Evan.
interesting question… and very easy to misunderstand this whole “be real” thing… specially since people use it as an excuse to behave badly.
glen is on point. read his reply twiice.
it’s a real want… as in, you feel a yearning. i don’t think there’s such a thing as a fake want
…but it’s not coming from a place of authenticicty, it’s coming from a place of lack… of wanting to impress or control others.
hope that clears it up.
keep well mate.
alex
Alex, you were right. This is right up my alley. I loved every freaking second of it.
Lsis, chill out! I am man and I didn’t get mentioned. LOL! For whatever reason the visible people who walk to the beat of their own drummer are more likely to be men. Grab a list and you get mostly guys.
“Every time you don’t do what you want. Every time you don’t do what you feel. Every time you censor that inner awesome… you’re living for others instead of yourself.”
And guess what Alex? That don’t really appreciate it anyway! There is no group of people less satisfied than those for whom you sacrifice yourself.
Being true to yourself allows you to gain authentic relationships and have experiences that are mutually beneficial instead of compromising.
Great stuff!
Nice one hero!!
Watch out for this man, people…he’s going places!!
I agree with you almost completely…let’s add a quote I’ve always loved, and created myself
Being mature is knowing that you are not
loveandrespect!
Hey Zee.
Thanks for stopping by brah. appreciate it.
you are hero deluxe.
one of my rolemodels. since school days.
so… thanks again for dropping a comment and checking it out. appreciate it.
really like your quote
haha. TM 
keep well mate
alex
p.s. ecos is done forevar. enjoy it
Hey Stephen!!
Super glad you liked it. thought you would
haha. be careful telling lisis down like that. she’s a libra ox
so she says haha 
i added her lest i have an angry libra ox mob on my case 
so true that they don’t appreciate it anyways…
“There is no group of people less satisfied than those for whom you sacrifice yourself.”
- really like the way you put that
thanks for the comment. really made me smile.
keep well stephen.
alex
When I was 17 I used to go to rave parties, people looked at me because I had strange hair but I didn’t mind. I didn’t take drugs and I had a lot of true friends. That was a wonderful experience. Your post reminded me of those (and other) moments in my life and now I’m seeing the difference.
Hey Oscar.
such an awwwsome story.
can just picture you rocking crazy hair at a rave with glowsticks, jumping around like crazy… man, can’t wait for summer to come back here for our rave type parties (called “trance parties” with trance music in the forest, dancing under the moonlight… thousands of people jamming it up. glorious
)
people always look up to you and want to be around you when you’re real.
like i said in another post, one of my favourites actually, “rap battles and a cuppa tea”…
people only doubt you to see if you’ll doubt yourself. TM haha.
thanks for stopping by Oscar
keep well brah
alex
Hey Alex!
Love your posts, they’re so poetic and fab new words to learn!
Also really agree with…”Doing what you want doesn’t mean being a *insert rude expletive of choice*”. It really annoys me when people are rude but say “that’s just me – I’m being real” – that’s not authenticity that’s just being rude!
But really being real
is so important…what else is there to be ? and when I catch myself not being real I know I’m giving out false signals and leaving other people confused…
Cheers Alex! More please!
Hey Jen!!
So glad you liked it… and my crazy lexicon aka language
yeah. people just use it as an excuse. doesn’t make any sense. it’s one of those things though – one of those things were people don’t usually argue back. they just look at them like an idiot and walk away.
yip. my point exactly. more than anything, when i catch myself not being real, i notice that it’s when i’m feeling yuck. being real feels good. what’s the point of not being real anyways? so stoopid.
haha.
chchcheck back soon
keep well jen
alex
I think this what it comes down to…
Hey!this is who I am… take it or leave it.
That takes courage NOT fear.
yip.
could picture you saying that. straight face. as dopey the dwarf
really well put.
you would be a legend.
if you didn’t bail last night.
If you think people are judging you harshly it’s because YOU are judging you too harshly.
If you think people are thinking bad things about you YOU are thinking bad thoughts about you.
etc…etc…
Bottome line it all starts with you. It’s in your head.
spot. on.
starts with you. and your head
people’s emotions reflect your emotions. always.
Great post Alex, I like your writing style, like you’re talking to a friend
Reminds me of a quote – I believe it was the great Kurt Cobain – “I’d rather be hated for who I am then loved for who I am not.”
Hey Renee!!
glad it has that effect!! …and glad to see you ’round these parts
funking loved the kurt cobain quote. just tweeted it. that means it’s awesome. obviously.
keep well renee
alex
ALEXXX!
Yo dude, what’s up?
This definitely seems to go go a bit deeper than your other ones. I don’t know if it’s your best, but before you freak out, I mean that because I think your other posts are awesum too.
BTW – I cropped you from my profile picture because you just look too….peaceful for the vibe I’m going for. Haha.
I should let you know about the 10,000 word challenge of glory. Moar info on my site. Best thing evar. But I know you’re too lazy so forget it.
Show those girls who’s boss. And Jen needs a new website dude. Can’t you help her out? I know she’s with Weebly, but there must be some way – I’ll help out as well. Unless she’s happy with how it is now, I don’t want to impose.
Sup “Gray”
baha. don’t go back to graeme jus cos glen thinks gray sounds like a name from CSI
haha. yeah. funny that. different kinds of people like different posts. my favourite of mine is the rap battles post. by far
dude. wtf?!?! how dare you crop me out?! okay. i am a lil dozy in that pic. haha.
checked it out on your site. super well done for pushing through.
love the rules.
coolest thing evar.
haha. i’m not lazy as such. i just conserve energy
yeah. i know. sent her a mail. i think you should design her something. go on. she’ll love you forever
luke is a complete chode btw. just stood around tiger last night
haha
keep well bra
alex
She already has a domain, she just needs some Wordpresssssss with Thesissssssss. Could make it pimp deluxe.
pehh.
using thesis is like doing your clothes shopping at woolworths. good quality but funking boring
Great post, Alex. It’s been RT’ed over my end of twitterverse.
vene2ia you legend!!
here’s to lording the twitterverse
haha
danky
keep well
alex
Ey Alex
This article has made me think hard about being real… Kinda freaks me out to think of how many ppl are not real, but at the same time is great to see how many peeps in this community are real.
Just
Hey Just!!
yeah man. you know it all too well. all those chodes we pointed out. all just lack of being real. and that’s why they get blown the funk out.
it’s sad really.
the need to make people like you. the need to be that which you aren’t.
to quote an inspiring blogger, jonathan mead, “the only thing you need to become is yourself
thanks for stopping by bruv.
we’ll jam any time. just drop me an sms. back from franchoek.
keep well mate
alex
haha.Yeah I know I been a bit of a vaganis lately
Last night I wasn’t feeling to great— evil thoughts roaming around and what not. Plus this Shakepeare really does f**k with your head 
Good news is I felt much better today.
Crazy how when I am down on myself and feeling ‘bad’- ALL my thoughts point to that ‘finality’.In other words, Anything ‘negative’ to go with the negative feeling.
Like being trapped in a wirlwind of thoughts.Amazing how those thoughts can seem irrevocably real.
It’s been hard for me to go to do the show day in and day out when
I have been feeling and thinking this way.It has caused me, at times, to alianate myself from the group.
The truth is I was never really alianated… I was alianated in my own head.
No matter how bad I had thought things were going, No matter how many times I had worried about what others were thinking about my behaviour, NO MATTER how many times I had felt vulnerable and transparent… When I went in today- every thing fell into place.
How?
People responded to me, for the most part, in direct alignment to how I was feeling. It started with being relaxed and feeling good… from there good thoughts were in my head OR RATHER less thoughts… and guess what?
MY REALITY… not theirs.
It begins AND ends with you.
P.s: I hope you are still coming to the show? I will personally MOON your ass during the curtain call haha. Shows almost done finished sunday(come on the we or somin) so I’ll be down to chill a little more often.
Peace and Love
Mikey G
In my feed reader there are over 40 personal development blogs. Its a rare liberty to read a post of this caliber.
* Usually, most people “preach” and the way you got the message across is authentic. Indeed, staying true to your own message.
* I also fall into the trap of obsessing too much about gaining “approval”, finding “belonging” etc .. this was a timely reminder.
Great blogging voice Alex. I see a bright future for you in the blogging arena ;-0)
Hey Shamelle!
thank you for such an awwwwsome comment. made my soul smile
future so bright you gotta wear shades
(Timidly raises hand)
Umm, certified people pleaser here, Alex.
Been that way my whole life and sometimes it just frustrates me to no end. Doing things that are not in my best interest in order to not make someone mad at me – sucks.
I’d like to say I’ve been better about this as the years went by but that would be a lie.
Thanks for the tips here, I’ll give them a shot and try to keep them in mind.
Cheers
George
Hey george.
put your hand down. it’s just approval seeking
haha
man. it’s okay. most people go through it. sad state of social conditioning.
why would you want to please somebody if not so you could ultimately live the life that you want… but you don’t need to live for others for that, you can just do what you want and live for you right now without needing to please or “not disappoint” others.
i’m not saying you shouldn’t please people, i’m saying don’t “try”. it shouldn’t be the goal, just an added consequence of being your awwwsome self
thanks for stopping by man.
keep well and in touch
alex – unleashreality
well done bro – I think your post is particularly relevant to bloggers. With the net providing such wide-spread exposure and anonymity, you need to train yourself to accept some people will either disagree or dislike you.
I got a funny random abusive email from a reader the other day and I just replied letting him know why the server was down – not trying to appease him or being pissed off. A day later he replied and said he doesn’t really think my site is sh!t he just likes to be a troll sometimes and to keep up the good work etc. I wasn’t fussed either way but it really made me lol
Hey jackmo you legend.
haha super funny example.
one of those caught in the act moments. man. reminds me of a story by jeffy (the pooo-ah from RSD
) where he goes to a protest and he sees this girl picking up a bottle and throwing it into the riot and when he asks her what she’s doing she snaps out of the vibe of the whole thing and back into reality, startled 
stupid trolls
haha great story
keep well bra
alex
You’ve put some words to things that probably everyone has noticed but often only subconsciously e.g.,
“When you’re trying to please other people… you’re not being real.
And people can feel that. And it gives them the frikken heebie-jeebies.”
As you say, it’s about knowing what you yourself want – at a deep level.
And as you also suggest, and, imo, also demonstrate with this sort of post, this takes more than reading books or thinking about things intellectually.
While that can help, it’s finally about vividly feeling and experiencing things first hand.
Hey paul.
yeah. really good point. most of this is subconscious.
and people want it to stay that way.
you gotta look at the mess to clean it up. and can be daunting. so people would rather just carry on with their stupid, destructive habits, even though they’re unhappy, because they don’t want to challenge their story or reality. they think it means theres something “wrong” with them. so stupid.
and i agree that it’s not an intellectual thing. but hearing it in enough ways might spark that emotional reaction to inspire some lasting change. or to inspire an experience that will cause a shift.
thanks for stopping by man
keep well
alex
Thanks for this. To me being more of myself has been a matter of developing more trust in the universe to support me, no matter what I do. When that trust is lacking I find myself inclining toward conformity, and when it’s stronger I’m less so.
Hey Chris
really like the way you put that… “developing more trust in the universe to support me, no matter what i do.”
i think a step further even than that is realising that you are the universe. the illusion of needing trust is just a stepping stone to feeling that limitless connection… hippyesque as that sounds
haha
thanks for your comment, really added to the discussion.
keep well and in touch.
alex
Great post.. nice to see how you are addressing important personal issues that many people often choose to hide away from.. keep it up! regards.
ACHIE you legend!!
thanks for stopping by mate
haha. your comment flashes images of matric wing. funny how sad and depressed most those “boychaaais” are now. sad really.
keep well and in touch man.
alex
Epic Blog post dude!
Epic
Peter you legend!!
cool to see you ’round these parts.
glad you digg.
if you liked this, you’ll love what’s next
keep well brav
alex
Alex, I’ve actually been hearing a lot of good things about you and your blog lately in the blogosphere, so I decided to come check you out for myself… and I must say, your website and content is quite impressive!
Sadly, I went a large part of my life living under the shadow of “how can I please everyone?” Having to adapt yourself to what you THINK are other people’s thoughts and expectations just sucks you of all originality and uniqueness, and I actually can’t help but chuckle to myself when I think back to why I used to do that.
Finally, I’m glad you mentioned that being true to yourself doesn’t mean being a(n)(insert explicit word here) to everybody you encounter. I’m not going to push others into the mud to better elevate myself, because that’s not right. However, I’m not going to push MYSELF into the mud either just because that’s what others expect of me. I think it comes down to being in tune with yourself — because once you are, you realize that you don’t even NEED the influence of other people in your life. In blazing your own trail, others will naturally follow what you have started.
Hey Travis!
thanks for such power words. really appreciate it.
cool to get in touch
specially given the awwwsomeness of your site 
man. i know all about that “please everyone” shadow. yuck just to think about how much that was my life for so long.
me too. felt so real when i was in it. now it’s a blur. a funny blur at that.
or maybe they won’t follow what you’ve started. but it doesn’t matter. because you’re doing what you want and being true to yourself.
keep well and in touch mate.
alex
I think living for oneself is the epitome of self realization.
Realizing that no ones opinions controls how you act or see the world. All people who continuous judge other usually hate themselves. So don’t fall into the trap of trying to impress the next person. Just be you! Try = fail
yezzir.
def agree.
try=epic fail.
keep well mate
alex
Very interesting post, that summarizes quite nicely the whole problem of neediness.A few years ago I had a coach give me an assignment: list every day how you were ‘approval seeking’. First I thought, easy, I’m not that at all.
You guess it, it was horrible! So many times a day many of my actions, and what I said, was really to gain approval. Man that was shocking…
I’m coaching people myself now, and indeed I see how many people do things to get approval, not because they really want to do what they do. Guess what assignment I give them
.
BTW this post is the first I read. Will surely read some other stuff too, I like your writing style.
I first discovered this principle through my song writing. I would often censor my lyrics or try to write a certain kind of song. I wasn’t doing it consciously it’s was just part of my overall personality ( From what I’ve seen your base-line authenticity is reflected in everything you do).
Although my biggest gains in becoming more authentic have been through my social life I really believe that becoming less inhibited and more authentic musician and songwriter has also benefited my overall authenticity.
So what I’m saying is, practice authenticity in everything you do as it will have knock-on effects in everything else.
what up Alex !
“When it comes time to do something, don’t ask yourself “what should I do”, rather ask “what do I want to do?” ”
its funny how a few words can really change one’s view. Thanks man!
I am listening to an internet streaming radio called wefunkradio and oddly enough, the song that came on was Charles Wright’s Do Your Thing