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Feeling Good is a Choice
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Feeling good is a choice.
It is. But not the choice you probably think it is.
“Stuff happens, moods and feelings happen, emotions happen, it’s how it is. Sometimes I feel good and sometimes not…right?” Yeah. Kinda.
Feelings don’t just happen, you create them.
You feel good when certain things happen and bad when other things happen. You feel good when you’re wearing a new shirt. You go out and you’re walking on golden wisps of happy sunshine, owning the night. Then your lucky shirt breaks. Why?
The shirt was never lucky. You made it lucky. Really. You decided that it was your lucky shirt. Then it wears off, pardon the pun, when you’ve worn it a few times or whatever other condition that you’ve made up for it to not make you feel good anymore is fulfilled.
What made you feel good was the meaning you attached to the shirt. Same thing with everything.
Everything that happens is neutral. Like Switzerland or the colour beige. Neutral. Everything that happens is as it is. Even the most heart-wrenching or magnificently glorious moment is just a situation. You feel things about it because you make it into a story…and you’re invariably the star of the story so it seems super important but it’s still just a story. Just a situation.
You feel good or bad because you attach meaning to that situation.
What’s interesting is that it’s all automated, this whole system of giving meaning to situations and feeling a certain way as a result. It’s so automated that we don’t even notice it happening.
See, you have a certain set of rules or conditions in your mind that when certain things happen, you feel good. And other things that happen make you feel bad.
But then if feeling good is something you’re creating when certain things happen, why not just drop the whole condition thing and feel good all the time? Throw a spanner in the automated process of giving meaning to things and stop letting how you feel be controlled by it.
Might be tough at first to allow yourself to feel good all the time but what you can do is to stay neutral and not attach meaning to whatever happens. When something bad happens, it happens. It doesn’t mean anything unless you make it mean something.
Stop creating stories about things that happen. Stop giving things meaning. Things happen. It’s done. Let it go.
Easier said than done? Maybe. At times, definitely…
When something seemingly bad happens, it’s just a situation. Don’t call it good or bad. See it for what it is, a situation. Creating stories, creating feelings about it will make you feel worse. Just stay neutral about it.
…so a little practice that I find really helps is allowing yourself to become transparent to whatever happens. Whenever something happens and you feel an emotion come over you, literally imagine and feel yourself becoming transparent, almost as though you dissolve so that the feeling can’t get trapped in you. You don’t grab whatever happens and turn it into a feeling, it just gently goes through you and dissolves.
That will help break the cycle of continuously giving meaning to things.
You don’t even need to choose to give things positive meanings to make yourself feel good ala “seeing the best in everything” because feeling good isn’t about creating the feeling. It’s about not creating other feelings that cover up your natural state of limitless bliss. Feeling good is your natural state.
You don’t need to make yourself feel good. Just stop making yourself feel bad.
When you stop making things important and allowing your feelings to be controlled by what happens, you stop covering the indescribable magnificence of your true nature – essence of feeling good, the source of all good feeling – and you are reconnect to that which you are, instead of thinking that you are your stories. You stop making yourself feel bad and you feel good all the time.
Edit: In light of a few comments and questions, i’d like to clear something up…
It’s not about trying to feel good all the time. It’s not about trying to feel anything. The idea is to stop giving meaning to situations so that you can experience the situation instead of the stories and feelings you create about it. Contrary to the title, it’s not even about making a choice to feel good. The choice is to stop layering things over true experience, and that feels good. A whole lot better than manufactured good feeling.
Choose to not be controlled by your stories.
Choose to stop giving meaning to things.
Feeling good is a choice.
Make that choice.
Unleash Reality
Alex
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I enjoyed your post – thanks for directing me to it from the forum.
Though I agree that my life is my responsibility – I have come to believe that my emotional responses to life’s stories are as much “inner programming” as it is my conscious choice.
Knowing this – I can then step out of externalizing my emotional responses and become open and present to the reactions I am having to the world around me.
When I remember to not get attached – I can then open and release and get closer to touching and staying in that space of inner peace we all ultimately crave.
It is all – pleasant and unpleasant – an interesting wonderful journey and I am so happy to be traveling…
Hey Cyndi,
I’m completely with you about responsibility. i’m huge on responsibility – it’s SO key in being free and in getting things done in all spheres of life. i think not taking responsibility is just a protection mechanism on our parts.
It’s great that you’ve realised that you can step out of your emotional responses and become present. such an important realisation – one most people sadly only learn through incredibly tough circumstances or extreme experiences like severe loss.
i like the way you phrased your options when you are prone to getting attached. sounds like you’ve checked out the Sedona Method? really power stuff.
and what a journey it is
i’ll see you on the road.
thanks for your comment
all the best
alex
Indifference is one of the most powerful forces in the universe
I burst out laughing when i read that
so true. paradoxically so
should put that line on a tshirt actually!
thanks for your comment!
Alex
Interesting… Now, a little discuss: why would you want to force feelings? Why limit ourselves to happiness when there is such a wide range of emotions you could miss? What you resist persist, allowing yourself to feel each emotion conciously is very liberating.
I believe when you have your values clear it seems just insane to be positive all the effing time.
Cheers,
Iván.
Hey Ivan.
I definitely agree that forcing feelings is a bad thing. It’s unnecessary and makes those feelings tainted… and also agree that limiting ourselves to happiness is not a good thing either. But that’s not what i’m saying.
I’m saying that we ARE limiting ourselves by giving ourselves feelings (good and bad ones) by allowing ourselves to give meaning to things and let that meaning give us those feelings.
Much better is to stop attaching meaning to situations and experience them as they are. be present with them. you’re big in the social dynamics community if i’m not mistaken, and you know how valuable being unreactive is and ultimately, having a strong reality and being your own person.
what i’m saying is to allow yourself to experience those feelings instead of the ones we create.
and not creating a bunch of feelings that cover up true experience is what this is about.
hope that clears it up.
thanks for your comment
all the best
alex
Yep, I agree with you. Sorry if I didn’t understand you in the first place.
Regards.
No worries Ivan, more my fault for not being clear. just had it in my head and wanted to get it out there.
thanks for your comment and questions!! really appreciate it
check back soon
alex
Interesting post
I have a question
If we make ourselves feel good or bad by the meaning we attach
COULD OR SHOULD WE
make ourselves feel good about something we feel bad about
ie Can i feel good about a job I hate? Should i feel good about it? If yes, then I dont need to do jobs I have prior passion for?
Could I make myself feel good being, with a person I feel nothing for?
Just curious to see what you think?
Hey Orecle,
left this edit on the post in light of your response so thanks for your reply…
Edit: In light of a few comments and questions, i’d like to clear something up…
It’s not about trying to feel good all the time. It’s not about trying to feel anything. The idea is to stop giving meaning to situations so that you can experience the situation instead of the stories and feelings you create about it. Contrary to the title, it’s not even about making a choice to feel good. The choice is to stop layering things over true experience, and that feels good. A whole lot better than manufactured good feeling.
to me… it’s not about making yourself feel good or bad. it’s about stopping that in fact. stop creating feeling and just experience life. you creating feelings and meaning and emotions covers up true experience.
yuor example about a job is a good one. you might not feel good about it. but you don’t have to feel bad about it. stop giving the situation meaning and just experience it as it is. real life feels great when you stop superimposing your story onto it. a job can be good or bad, and a job can be good to me and bad to you. it’s not about what it is, it’s about how you’re experiencing it. would you rather experience your thoughts about it or experience life?
all the best
alex
Feeling good is a choice.
Now, why make the choice to feel good? I’m serious with this question. Feeling bad is a choice that some people make.
Now more related to the article I’m intrigued that article is mostly in thought and feeling space. While I agree with the article, I also notice that there are some simple physical and environmental things that can drastically affect feeling good. I’ll grant that these feeling good are still created by the mind. Still, sometimes the feelings can be more simply solved by changes in the environment then the mind. Some example of simple physical things that usually affect feeling good:
-Being sick or having a disease
-Exercising
-Eating healthy
-Abusive relationships
-Growthful relationships
As a whole the article well describes an internal space you can create to feel good, however it misses the significance of physical environmental influences. You could think of this like a plant trying to grow. There are some environments that are inhospitable to plants. There are other environments that can only sustain particular plants that have evolved to handle the unique environment. And, there are some environments where most plants thrive. Feeling good is no different. If you make the choice to create or live in the right environment then you will naturally thrive at feeling good.
Hey nhaasch,
interesting question
i was a little unclear in the article, i’m not really proposing to choose to feel good as much as choosing not to feel bad.
those things, (good examples by the way) can definitely affect the way you feel if you attach meaning to them. i’m sick, poor me. it’s just a situation. as are the positives. my question really is, would you rather feel your story about those things with all it’s polluted meaning, tainted by the beliefs you’ve randomly picked up across your life, …or would you rather experience life. true experience. make the choice to not give meanings to things and you naturally feel good, you naturally experience life.
thanks for your comment.
all the best
alex – unleash reality
Hmm… I want to re-read this…as it’s 5 am and i’m pretty tired
As you know, I’ve been doing a play… the whole play I’ve been obsessing about the end result. Will I perform well? will people be impressed? I became so worried last night that I was thinking about giving up and had basically pushed myself into a corner where I felt really helpless. Well I performed tonight and it went great. All the story and meaning I had a attached to the sittuation basically evaporated and in a way I felt a bit stupid for self sabotaging so badly
So by creating expectations for myself I was actually setting up limitations for myself.And I just realised that I was defeating the whole purpous anyway … I stopped enjoying it.
My point is that instead of worrying about the outcome, don’t worry, and embrace the moment. It fits in with what you say about not distorting the naturally good feeling you have just being ALIVE by covering it with useless distractions.
Make the sittuation apart of being alive … instead of making yoursef apart of the sittuation
Hope that make’s sense. For all I know I could be “sleep typing”…
zzzzzzzzzz
Yip.
did kinda make sense now that i read it again
lolls
play was awesome. well done. so was jazz freestyling
was really inspiring to see the change actually. not hear about, actually see it. stupid expectations. got a cool ted video for you about how the key to happiness is low expectations 
completely agree about not feeling alive when you’re not embracing the moment. about being alive.
power stuff.
thanks for the comment mikey g
saturday gonna be bonkers
peaceness
ali
Really awesome post man, well writte and kept me hooked. You’re so right about what you covered, it has given me a few ‘insights.’ Yes, just me, I’m the star of my story
Oh, and really glad to see you used a face painted Toto in your post image haha
Thanks Glenzo!!
Glad it kept you hooked. That’s prolly the best compliment to receive
toto=legend. he called me a few days back asking for “pickup materials”
haha met him at uct, was all incognito like an ellicit deal or sumn 
he’s good. asked about you.
Thanks for the comment man, really appreciate it
well done on the google ranking!! respecto!! all hail!!
all the best
ally
Really good post..it gave me ‘aha’ experience. I will definitely put this to practice ..thanks again.
Hey Geetha,
love it when that happens. means a lot to me
let us know how it goes!!
thanks for your comment
all the best
alex
Great post, I would have one small critique. I believe feeling good is a great idea, but I believe blind belief in feeling good tends to end up in long term unhappiness. I have a blog post (past, present and future: cementing your mind shift) that explains my concept. Very simply, we define ourselves by our past present and future. If we either abandon our past or don’t deal with it before we confront our future, are are inevitably going to re-engage our past within our present. So for me, a positive attitude is great, but honest self reflection is sometimes even more important for long term happiness.
Liam
Interesting point. definitely with you that blind belief in anything is a bad thing… but read closely, i’m not talking about a belief in feeling good. that’s just more manufacturing feelings, i’m talking about how to stop that so you can really experience realty instead of just a belief. beliefs are made up – they’re not reality and they’re not you. they have their purposes but you don’t have to limit your experience to your limited beliefs…
i’m also def with you about a positive attitude versus honest self reflection. i’d take the latter any time in resolving a problem once you have it. but i’m talking about not giving meaning to things and you won’t need either – you won’t create the problem and you won’t have to have a ‘positive attitude’ nor honest self-reflection.
thanks for your honest comment
check back again soon
alex
Thanks Alexander for another awesome post…
I like the practical advice – will definitely try out the transparent technique.
I feel like I’ve been able to be slightly more unattached to situations and outcomes when I just trust that it is all part of my journey and that things always seem to work out for the best in any case! Just don’t get freaked out by every small thing that doesn’t work out the way you think it should.
keep it up
tannie
haalloh lynnnieeee!!!
awesomeness. think i read about it in an ecky book, or something like it. works really well.
i completely know how you feel about being more unattached. i got that at one point where i just really didn’t care about what happened. not careless – care free. complete indifference to what happened. was crazy but really liberating.
keep well tannie-boo.
and no moving in!
alex
Great post Alex. Feeling happy can definitely be achieved when we want it but the most important thing is to not mistake “Pleasure” for “Happiness”.
Till sometime ago, I used to go to my favorite candy bar or my favorite song whenever I was sad. But then I realized that these are just temporary pleasures; long lasting happiness can only come from within you.
Hey Tehseen.
definitely agree about not mistaking pleasure for happiness. super important.
true happiness doesn’t need to be caused or sparked by a candy bar, song, or anything. it just is.
where there’s pleasure, there’s pain. even “happiness” as a term has an opposite. true happiness – “bliss” or whatever you want to call it – has no opposite. it just is. perfect. yum. glory.
thanks for the comment
talk to you soon
alex
great read and I think you are right, happiness is a choice,
dave
coolness.
thanks for the comment
alex
Heeeey!
This is a really good post, super well written:)
You’ve got a great blog here!
Yeah we on for saturday, gonna be wiiiiiiild:)
Have a great day Al!
hey diggy!!
thanks for the comment. still building it but internet ownage definitely ensuing shortly
def on for sat. super excited. gonna be legend to jam again – you’re super scarce lately!
lording the night
laters bro
alex
Namaste Alex!
Wonderful, super post…yes happiness is a choice.
It’s hard for most of us–first to see that it is a choice, and then to enact the choice, when our lives are in shambles, we need a job, money, husband/wife, dealing with cancer, kids, the financial crisis, when we’re too fat, thin, tall, short, bald, old…it’s hard to enact the choice of happiness.
In my experience, when we can release the emotions around chasing happiness, the choice manifests prominently, and we can’t help but make the choice for a flowing life.
Great insights, thanks!
Kaushik
Namaste Kaushik. Om Namah Shivaya
completely agree about it being tough to see and enact the choice. but only hard because we cloud our consciousness with perceived problems – by attaching meaning to things and creating our suffering.
really like the way you put releasing the emotions around happiness and arriving at the point where you can’t help but make the choice to flow with life.
thanks for the comment
keep in touch
all the best
alex
What you say here is wise and applies to a lot of things but I think it’s good to bear in mind that there are exceptions – millions and millions.
“Everything that happens is neutral.”
The exceptions are the really bad stuff that happens to people’s bodies. Even here, attitude is key to spiritual survival, but I’m in my sixteenth year of an incurable, highly painful and severely disabling illness. Not neutral…
Same goes for all the other inherently aversive bad things that can happen to people’s bodies. My mom has Alzheimers and is deteriorating in her way at about the same rate I am in mine. Not neutral…
It’s easy to overlook this sort of thing when we’re healthy and live in a politically stable environment – I know that when I was healthy, I tended to think of the really bad stuff as happening “on the news” and to other people…
Hey Paul.
i agree that there are many of exceptions. or at least that it seems so. almost like “it’s not a big deal as long as it isn’t happening to me”…BUT even those things (bodily troubles etc) are still neutral. they’re only situations. and seeing them as such is probably the best chance you have because creating meaning around them will only exacerbate the problem and make it worse. check out the work of lester levenson and how he released cancer – the founder of the “sedona method”
don’t think anything is inherently bad. where does the distinction come in? it’s all just labels that you’ve collected.
even the example about your mom, and i give you nothing but condolences and good wishes for the future – is still just neutral. doesn’t seem so because it’s happening to you and it’s your big movie but it’s happening. it’s just a situation. might be tough to see it that way but it is how it is. you can attach all sorts of meaning to it if you want – it’ll probably make it easier to deal with and accept – specially if you can blame it on god by calling it bad – but it’s just a situation and seeing it as such is extremely empowering.
Thanks for the well-thought out reply. really refreshing to read some honest feedback.
check back again soon
all the best
alex
“Pain hurts.”
-Linus, Peanuts comic strip
Now, if Linus had chronic pain and said that to himself repeatedly, that would have adverse effects on him and he’d need to work on his attitude.
It remains the case that physical pain is an inherently aversive experience. Little kids and animals know to avoid hot stoves and fire.
A lot of this may be semantics… I 100% agree with you that it’s important to avoid dwelling on how “bad” an aversive situation is. In a highly aversive situation, it’s a matter of mental and spiritual survival.
And distancing yourself from – yourself – is invaluable. I refer to the detachment that can develop from meditation and mindfulness techniques. To use your word, you come to see yourself and all your situations in more “neutral” terms – with the same eye that sees the rest of humanity.
That doesn’t make all situations equal. People desire to survive and flourish and so they seek to avoid things like being tortured, not having enough to eat, poverty, disease, war – inadequate safety, shelter, food, security and physical well being. And millions and millions of people around the world experience these situations through no fault of their own.
completely agree with you up till the last bit.
never said all situations are equal, but they are all neutral. you give meaning to them and it makes them appear to hold different degrees of importance but they’re all as they are.
how can the sun being up make one person happy because they like the sun and another sad because they prefer winter. the situation does neither, it’s the meaning being attached by the person when it happens.
what you said about pain being an inherently aversive experience was interesting. and i definitely agree with you on that one. but it’s not necessarily a bad experience.
you feel pain so you take your hand off the stove. yes. definitely. but feel pain, take your hand off the stove and feel sad and tell people how much it hurt and wish it never happened and get years and years of psychology – that’s crazy.
thanks for your well-thought out words again. really cool to discuss and hear your thoughts.
all the best
alex
I don’t think we’re disagreeing… because I absolutely agree with what you just said! To put it briefly: there are experiences that are inherently aversive or disagreeable. Focusing on how much you dislike them (or think that they’re “bad”) is more or less crazy.
I add the “more or less” caveat because with big enough traumas, whether mental or physical, a certain amount of processing is necessary. Even if it were possible, it wouldn’t be healthy to go “OK, my wife died yesterday – been there, done that, ready to move on…” That would be as crazy as your example with the stove.
cool.
completely agree.
don’t advocate ignoring or trying to move on – just saying that CREATING emotion about it is bad. if the emotion is there, let it be there or let it go – but don’t create more.
thanks for all your honest feedback.
keep in touch
alex
What a great post! I really do believe that happiness (and feeling good) is a choice. It’s not always an easy one especially if, like me, you have a tendency to be negative, but every time we choose to be happy, to feel good, or to look for the positive we are making a good choice. Life happens, but how we view what happens is what really matters.
Awwwsome.
Thanks for the kind words.
Really like the way you put “life happens, but how we view what happens is what really matters.” power stuff
check back again soon
all the best
alex
he is saying to not attach any feelings to a situation.. not bad nor positive. not happy nor sad..
Alex, this is a fantastic article! I really agree with what you have written here although it is difficult for me to put it into practice. I’m learning though.
“The idea is to stop giving meaning to situations so that you can experience the situation instead of the stories and feelings you create about it.”
That’s very powerful. Thanks!
Hey Stephen,
I’m glad you found it useful.
thanks for stopping by!! …and for your honest, kind comment.
check back again soon
all the best
alex
Like Switzerland! :’)
This is so true, feeling good is a choice. Just ignore the bad things, don’t let them get a grip of you. Feel good!
Great post Alex!
Stefan
Hey Stefan!
Yip. good ‘ol Switzerland
completely agree.
thanks for stopping by.
check back again soon
alex
Hello Alex
I love your idea of “transparency” to prohibit negative things becoming trapped within us. And I agree with you that we tag a thing that is neutral by the thoughts and stories we create about it. Some of us have trouble embracing the idea of feelings or thoughts being a “choice” we make, simply because the stories we tell and the reactions we already choose are often habits of long-standing.
You’ve been tweeted and stumbled!
Karen
Hey Karen!!
good to see you here more often lately
i find it really really helps. makes you realise it’s not as real as it feels.
i know it can be tough to view feelings and thoughts as a choice but it is a choice. it’s the choice to want all your compulsions and automatic judgements more than you want freedom. you want approval, you want to be safe, you want to be one – all those wants are a choice. you can choose to make them real or to let them go.
up to you
thanks for the tweet and stumble!
keep well karen!
alex
Hi,
I respect your opinion but….
I dont really agree with being neutral. How can you experience something – a situation let’s say if you dont feel anything at all? Like a robot? How can you remember a situation if you really did not feel anything at that time..
Hey dopphie
i respect your opinion too
i think you’re misinterpreting what i mean as neutral. or maybe (probably) i didn’t make myself fully clear and understandable.
i don’t mean that you don’t feel anything at all.
that’s almost the opposite of what i mean
i mean that you don’t CREATE additional feelings. you don’t create noise.
when i say neutral i mean that you don’t create feelings about it, you’re impartial, indifferent, unaffected. you still feel whatever you feel but you don’t create any additional feelings.
you feel that deep connectedness to life, you feel your being instead of little comments about inconsequential events.
you actually feel more. you experience life more deeply when it’s not covered by all your mind-made emotions about the situation.
robots don’t feel anything, what i mean by neutral is full experience but without your opinions and emotional knee-jerk reactions as the result of thinking layered over that experience.
hope that clears it up
ya heard
thanks for your thoughts
keep well and in touch
alex – unleash reality
every experience you have ever had – you have given to YOURSELF
every person you encounter is a reflection of an aspect of YOU
every breath you take is a GIFT
that’s why we call it the PRESENT
KARMA is a ‘doing” word
what you do today
is who you will be tomorrow
that’s why we drop drop the K
and call it Dharma
Change and Reality are synonamous
unleashing effortlessly with or without us
one beautiful wave in full rhythmic flow
so by the time you read this,
my Bravest beloved Son
your highs will be lows
your ebbs will be in flow
all you have to do is be Brave enough
to hold on and ENJOY the ride
Radhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
may Amma’s heartlite SHINE on this satvvic patch of cyber sky
Hey Alex,
Be happiest by just being. Experience the now, don’t label it or associate your feelings with them. Just be.
If you disassociate yourself from situations, you stop letting them control your emotions. You just take them as is. Good experiences make you happy, since you’ll take in the positive energy, and bad experiences don’t make you feel anything.
This way, you don’t let bad things affect you. Like rude people throughout the day, or someone cutting you off while driving. They’re just external things that happened.
Here’s to not letting external forces define our happiness, and choosing to feeling good,
Oleg
Al,
This site is amazing
Peace